As a human being, we have thoughts. Some people are better at quieting those thoughts than others, as a mom it’s even harder to quiet those voices of fear, shame, guilt, anger, anxiety, sadness, resentment or if you’re like me, abandonment. 🤷♀️
Coming from a mama who loves peace and quiet, and good old fashioned alone time, sometimes that silence is your own enemy. That’s when all your thoughts and feelings seem to hit the most. Throughout the day, there’s so much noise, between the TV, the baby crying, the toddler throwing around toys and running from one side of the house to the other, it’s easier to not get stuck in your thoughts.
I have always been an over-thinker, long before I became a mom. I am a complicated combination of a people pleaser, and someone who pushes back. I have social anxiety so it really depends on how I’m feeling at that moment, this makes it very easy to overthink. I tend to replay the conversations or arguments that happened throughout the day or even in the past and question whether or not I reacted the right way, or sit on the words someone said and considering every possibility of how they really meant what they said.
I love my husband more than life, the only people I love as much as I do him, are the precious babies that he blessed me with. I am a stay at home mom that is always home, while he supports our family and makes sure that we know we are loved, protected, and cared for. He also gets to keep his social life, I love that he has fun, and still gets to enjoy himself.
Although, even though I love that he has fun and he double checks with me every time to make sure I’m ok with it, and I am. I can’t help but lash out on him from time to time at the end of a long day. I hate that I do, 😞 but I am always tired, overstimulated, and worn thin. I do my best to show him I appreciate him, but there are times that I find it’s been awhile since I even remembered to ask him how his day was. It’s not that I don’t care, because of course I do.
It’s easy to forget to do or say the most basic things in any kind of relationship, or even for yourself sometimes. This brings out the fear of abandonment, and shame. On those days that I lash out or realize the things I don’t do or say that I should, it brings up questions of fear like, “does he think I don’t care about him anymore?” “Am I pushing him away?” The questions of fear are endless, especially when you feel you’re a lot to handle.
Between all the noise on the outside and the inside, it’s almost impossible not to get stuck in your head, or overthink the little things, especially when the house grows quiet.
It’s important to remember to tell yourself that everything is okay, take a deep breath, read a book, do your skin care routine, whatever makes you feel more like yourself. Don’t blame yourself for how you think or react, just because we’re superhuman, doesn’t mean we’re bulletproof.
