Regardless of what you see on social media, motherhood is not an easy journey, below are 10 deep truths about motherhood. Although, motherhood is hard it is also the best thing to happen to a mother, and we wouldn’t change it for the world. 🌎 💕
- Postpartum Depression: There is an article on www.plannedparenthood.org that states, postpartum depression occurs in about 1 in 9 women after having a baby. Postpartum depression is very common and can last for weeks or months, some women even said they suffered with it for up to a year. It generally starts about 1-3 weeks after giving birth. It can be intense and might stop you from being able to take care of yourself, your baby, or anyone else in your family, for some women this can be debilitating and also paired with postpartum anxiety. I myself struggled with this and I can say from experience, that it was neither pleasant nor easy to come back from.
- Loss of Self: Most mothers feel like they lose their self in motherhood, especially is the first few months to a year after welcoming home their new baby.
According to a 2020 survey by Motherly. The percentage of mothers that say motherhood is the thing that most defines them is 71%, however this number increases for mothers under 30 with young children to 78%, and 87% for stay at home mamas, this percentage raise to 87%. It is hard to remember who you are outside of being a mom, especially for those of us that don’t have a village, we can lose touch of who we are and start to feel like someone other than our selves. - Constant Fear: Overthinking as a mom, especially as a first time mom is always on a constant loop in the back of our minds. This usually starts immediately at the beginning of pregnancy, and it never stops. The constant panic that something is going to happen to your baby, or to you that would prevent you from being there for your baby, and your family is real. This fear never fades, it stays with us from day one all the way through to our last breath because our children become our whole world, so our brains condition themselves to think ahead about every single thing that could possibly happen. My oldest daughter is almost 2 and she has still never been let go of in any body of water that isn’t her bath, one of my biggest fears is her going swimming and aspirating in her sleep without us knowing, so I’m too scared to let her really swim.
- Body Dysmorphia: After having a baby, looking in the mirror is extremely difficult for most women because we no longer have the body that we used to have. This doesn’t make a mother regret her baby, it just makes her see herself differently between all of the new body changes and it can make her start to lose herself, which makes this a factor for both reasons 1 and 2 listed above. Pregnancy and childbirth affects all women differently in a variety of ways, mentally, physically, and emotionally.
- Isolation: Day after day, night after night moms are on call for the whole family, especially little humans that depend on them for survival. This can be pretty isolating and lonely, because your social interaction is pretty low, especially for mamas like me who don’t trust childcare and refuse to let my babies out of my sight unless it’s with their dad. Sometimes, it can be days or even weeks before you realize you haven’t really talked or came into contact with another adult, and all though we love our babies more than anything and wouldn’t change it for the world, it can still feel pretty lonely.
- Lack of Sleep: This falls hand in hand with isolation. Motherhood involves a lot of sleepless nights, and definitely a decrease in your sleep. This week, I went 3 hours short of 48 hours with no sleep because my babies took turns crying all night, and my toddler was running around our house from 3am-6am before she finally went back to sleep, my youngest woke up at 7, and my oldest woke back up at 8 and our day started. My point of sharing that is to show that being a parent and caring for littles can be very inconsistent, but the lack of sleep is something that you can always count on when raising littles.
- Mom Rage: If you see a mama that seems to be frustrated, or angry, she’s probably just tired, overwhelmed, and overstimulated. Maybe you see a mom snapping at her husband, or at her kids. She’s not trying to be mean to them, and I can promise you 9 times out of 10, it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t love her family, and it definitely doesn’t mean she doesn’t love being a mom or a wife. It just means that the kids have probably been doing the exact same things over and over again, the kid(s) could’ve skipped a nap, or fighting, and so many other scenarios, because littles are so unpredictable and are easily effected by any changes in their routine, or events throughout the day.
- Imposter Syndrome: Do you ever consistently doubt yourself? That’s what being a mommy can feel like sometimes. I can’t count how many times I have asked myself, “am I doing this right?” “Did I make the right choice?” Constantly questioning your choices, is very real and frustrating, especially when you’re the one that makes most of the choices.
- Burn-out: The phrase, “can’t pour from an empty cup,” goes straight out the window for moms, especially as the caretaker for the entire family. As a mom and a wife, you’re always doing something for the household, I have an amazing husband that does as much as he can for our family, we both have heavy loads, they are just very different. Even with him being involved and helpful in every way he can, I still get burnt out. Why? I know someone reading this might think, “how? Stay at home moms just sit at home and do nothing all day.” I can promise you that is not the case. From the time we wake up, to the time we go to bed, we’re taking care of other humans and catering to their every need, regulating their emotions, as well as our own (this is easier when you’re not healing from your own childhood trauma and already know how to properly handle your emotions.) Running after and entertaining a toddler from sun up to sundown, taking care of the newborn, trying to take care of the things needed around the house with noise coming from every direction, making doctors appointments, and the countless other things on a mom’s daily to do list. Everything that a mama has to do throughout the day makes it very hard to fill up our cup, metaphorically and literally. Something as small as drinking a cup of water can be hard, between my toddler trying to grab it from me to drink it or pour out, whichever she’s in the mood for and me just forgetting to drink it. 😂
10. Watching them grow up: This is one of the hardest and best parts of being a parent. Watching the little baby, or babies you had grow up are both heartwarming and heartbreaking. The more independent she gets the prouder I get, but the more my heart breaks just a little. It still feels like I just had them yesterday, but they grow so fast that in a blink my toddler learned how to walk, brush her teeth all by herself, climb on the potty, jump, and talk (not very well, but it still counts). My youngest and last, was born a month early and is already out of preemies and into 0-3 month clothes, gained a lot of weight, babbling, starting to sleep better throughout the night, and has excellent head control. I love having the pleasure of watching them grow up, but before we know it our tiny little babies will be potty trained, starting school, and before we know it they will become the person that they’re meant to be. All I can do is pray to god that we do a good job and be the best parents we can be for our whole world and make it as easy for them as we can by making sure they understand that no matter what, we love them and we’re here to help and offer support in whatever way we can, there will never be a day that they’ll look into the crowd and not see us in their corner, regardless of how old they are.
Even though parenting and motherhood can be trifficult, (all the bluey mamas understand this reference) it is the greatest accomplishment you could ever have, and it will grow your heart, love, patience, and life in more ways than you could ever imagine, in the best ways possible.
